


Having > Being

by SomethingBlue42



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel is Bad at Feelings (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester is So Done, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, M/M, Post-Canon, Profound Bond Gift Exchange (Supernatural), Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29600592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethingBlue42/pseuds/SomethingBlue42
Summary: “The young ones love your stories you know?” Jack stood then, wandered over to the glass, gazed out at humanity. “The righteous man and the boy with the demon blood who averted the apocalypse.”“They’re fanciful, these new ones. Like you.”Jack grinned. “Like you.” Cas bowed his head, allowing his own smile. “I need you to meet with Dean.”Castiel sucked in a deep breath and felt that he might burst from it. “There’s no one else?”“He requested you, specifically.” Jack turned to face him fully. “You can’t avoid him forever.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 144
Collections: Profound Bond Gift Exchange: Reunion





	Having > Being

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sarasaurusrex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarasaurusrex/gifts).



> I'm a smidge late but this is my fic for the Profound Bond Fic Exchange! The theme was reunion and as much as I wanted to turn that on its head I was sucked in to the Dean/Cas Heaven reunion we never got to see.
> 
> I hope you like it @sarasuausrex!

Castiel still had a hard time believing that he was in Heaven. He walked through glass corridors, looking in on different offices, angels in blue-jeans and band tees chatting or working together, hashing out ideas on whiteboards. If Naomi’s Heaven had been Wall Street, Jack’s was a tech startup in the valley, no suits allowed. 

Except for Cas. Cas seemed to be the token old guy in the ranks. One of the only angels left from Before, when God had ruled and everything was just so… negative. 

“Cas?” 

Castiel looked up, finding Jack peering at him from the doorway to what passed as his office. It looked a lot like an old TV room in an underground bunker, memories from several lifetimes ago pricking him in places that he didn’t think could hurt anymore. Jack stepped out, gesturing Cas to the empty conference room with a view of humanity like no other. 

“Thanks for coming. I need a favor.”

Castiel nodded, taking a seat and smoothing his tie down his chest. “Always happy to help, Jack, you know that.”

Jack’s smile was soft, a certain twinkle in his eye. “I need you to take a meeting.”

Castiel blinked. “Okay?”

“With Dean Winchester.”

Castiel’s entire essence seemed to burst into flames. He stood and turned towards the door.

“Castiel, sit down.” 

Cas felt his knees tremble at the command and glanced over his shoulder at Jack who looked exasperated. Cas sat back down, eyes on his lap.

“He’s here, you know?” Jack’s voice was soft as he perched on the table next to Castiel, facing him as he pulled his sneakers up into the chair. “In Hea-“

“I know. I felt him arrive.” Castiel’s voice was a low murmur then he snorted, rubbing at his eye. “Didn’t even make it a year.”

A smile tugged at the corner of Jack’s mouth. “Dean made his peace with death a long time ago. He was unbothered.”

“Would you have returned him if he had been?” Castiel squinted up and Jack smiled fully before shaking his head.

“Sam’s arrived as well.”

A pause as Castiel watched his fingers tangle together. “I’m aware.”

“They’ve made the rounds to pretty much everyone. Their parents, grandparents. Practically rebuilt the old Roadhouse Ellen and her husband ran.”

“I know I rerouted resources to accommodate the sudden influx of souls in that Heaven. Hunters…” Castiel swallowed hard. “They require a little more care.”

Jack stared at him. “You never visited.”

Castiel’s head tucked further down. “I was never requested…”

“You know you can’t lie to someone omniscient, Castiel.” Jack’s voice was more teasing than stern but Castiel felt chastised anyway. “He prays to you every day, sometimes every hour.”

Castiel reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “He’s at peace. It’s all I ever wanted for him.”

Jack let out a sigh through his nose, contemplating Castiel for a moment. “What about what  _ Dean _ wants?”

Cas looked away, eyes resolutely on humanity but humanity had lost its luster some time ago. Castiel could feel Jack watching him, feel him wrapping Cas in the question Jack would never voice. The silence stretched and they could hear laughter from some younger angels down the hall. Castiel felt himself smile.

“The young ones love your stories you know?” Jack stood then, wandered over to the glass, gazed out at humanity. “The righteous man and the boy with the demon blood who averted the apocalypse.” Jack looked over his shoulder. “The angel that fell so in love with humanity that he blew up the Grand Ending.”

“They’re fanciful, these new ones. Like you.”

Jack grinned. “Like  _ you _ .” Cas bowed his head, allowing his own smile. “I need you to meet with Dean.”

Castiel sucked in a deep breath and felt that he might burst from it. “There’s no one else?”

“He requested you, specifically.” Jack turned to face him fully. “You can’t avoid him forever.”

“Heaven is very large now and you allow all to wander. I think if I’m careful-”

Jack stepped forward and placed a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, eyes catching Castiel’s. “He wants to see you. And I want you to allow yourself to see him.”

Castiel squirmed. “I thought you didn’t want to meddle.”

“I don’t.” Jack dropped his hand and opened it to show Castiel his palm. “But you’ve given me no other choice.”

#

Castiel sat in his office, elbows on his desk, staring at his closed door. It was a small space, with no windows and distinctly corporate in a way. A relic of the old Heaven. The younger angels had tried to brighten the place up, a beautiful painting of a sunset hung on a gray wall over a lateral filing cabinet. A calendar with kittens showed the year and month on Earth. There was a knock at the door and Castiel sat up straight in his chair, pressed his palms to his desktop, and bid the soul enter, then had to clear his throat and do it again, his voice a mere croak on the first attempt.

But it was only Jack.

“Hey, Cas, saw the meeting with Dean on your calendar and I moved it back an hour so you’d have a chance to get to his Heaven.”

“Wait. What?” Castiel’s head tipped sideways. 

“New rule,” Jack bright his thumb up to his mouth, chewing at the skin beside the nail. “No humans souls at headquarters.” Jack examined his thumb, bit at it again.

Castiel’s voice was flat. “That’s convenient.”

Jack grinned brightly. “I thought so. We should make the effort to meet the citizens of Heaven where they are.” Jack gave an authoritative nod.

“When did this policy go into effect?”

“Oh about an hour ago.” Jack smiled and patted the doorframe with an open palm. “Better get going. Don’t wanna be late.”

#

Dean Winchester’s Heaven was on the outskirts of the plane, far-flung purposely to support his privacy, and of course, it was right next to Sam’s. During their lifetime no one knew the Winchesters but in Heaven, they were practically celebrities. Only Jesus had more inquiries and that guy was a lot more of a people person. 

When Castiel crossed the border a gentle breeze brushed his hair back, the tall grass of rolling plains swaying languidly on either side of the dusty road under his feet. He didn’t have to walk long before he came up to a gravel drive, a dented metal mailbox at the end of it with “D. Winchester” branded on the side. Cas touched it, a smile pulling at his lips. There was no mail in Heaven but Dean had complained often of having to manage P.O. Boxes all over the country. Cas peeked inside and was surprised to find a few items inside. A few envelopes, one from Mary, one from Jack, and a glossy copy of Busty Asian Beauties. 

Heaving a sigh, Castiel tucked the mail under his arm and began the walk down the long gravel drive. Apple and Pear trees flanked either side, the sweet smell of fruit catching on the air as he made his way toward the sprawling farmhouse. Rockers sat on the wrap-around porch all clustered together around a large ice chest and Cas was imagining Dean there with Sam and Jess, Charlie and Jo, John and Mary when the front door opened. 

Castiel stopped, loafers scuffing in the dirt a few feet from the steps as Dean strode out, tall and broad and bow-legged, looking the exact same as he did the night they met in that barn in Illinois. Dean’s expression was unreadable as he came to a stop at the top of the steps, crossing his arms over his chest and the wind gusted to flutter his t-shirt to reveal a strip of skin over his belt. Castiel looked down at his toes.

“You gonna just stand there or are we gonna do this in the yard?”

Castiel looked up and Dean raised his brows, bending a little at the waist as he waited for Cas’ answer. Cas managed to unstick his feet from the ground and shuffled to the steps. Dean shifted aside as Castiel arrived eye level with him and Cas found himself caught in bright green eyes, the same way he’d been the night they met. What he found there was similar to that night as well, caution and suspicion but also a little bit of hope.

He became distracted as Dean’s tongue slipped out to wet his lower lip and Castiel reached under his arm, thrusting the contents at Dean. “Your mail.”

Dean looked down at it and then back up at Cas before he snorted, taking it in his hands. “Thanks.” He tossed it on the seat of one of the rockers and faced Cas again, hands on his hips. Cas glanced at the front door. 

“Should we-?”

“How many years’s it been? Gimme a minute to just look at you will ya?” Dean crossed his arms over his chest again, heaving a sigh as his eyes roved over Castiel’s face and down over his body in a way that made Cas fidget. It felt like eons before Dean finally huffed another sigh and met Cas’ gaze. “You know I…” he chuckled reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. “I practiced what I was gonna say when I saw you again and all of it is just…” Dean brought up a hand and flicked his fore and middle fingers up as if to say ‘gone.’ He shook his head. 

Castiel shifted from foot to foot. “You don’t have to say any-“

“Oh, I don’t?” Dean cocked an eyebrow. “Last time we spoke you said some pretty heavy shit to me.” Castiel dropped his gaze to his feet, the toes of his beat-up loafers nearly touching the steel toes of Dean’s boots. “You don’t wanna hear my response?”

Castiel’s shoulders scrunched up towards his ears. “I don’t know.” He heard Dean scoff and cringed. “I’m sorry. I should g-“

A hand shot out, grabbing Cas’ shoulder hard, holding him in place. “Oh no, you don’t. Not this time you son of a bitch. You’re not walking away, or flapping off, or getting sucked into mega-turbo hell. You’re gonna stand there and fucking let me say my piece.”

Castiel nodded, eyes still cast down but he closed them, sucking in a fortifying breath. The grip on his shoulder lessened and Cas found he welcomed the weight, feeling the heat of Dean’s palm even through the layers of trench coat, suit jacket and dress shirt. He didn’t dare look up, couldn’t bear to see the disgust in Dean’s eyes or, worse in Castiel’s mind, the pity. 

“You said to me before you left, you said that ‘happiness is in the being, not the having.’ What did you mean by that?”

“I’m sorry.” Castiel tried to duck his head further. “I’m sorry, I-“ His throat closed as he felt Dean’s large calloused hand move to cup the side of Cas’ face. So bewildered he forgot to be ashamed, Castiel looked wide-eyed in Dean’s steady green gaze. Dean’s chin tipped down.

“I don’t want an apology, Cas. There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Dean’s face shifted as his thumb tapped Castiel’s cheekbone. “Well, maybe later you can apologize for saying all that shit and then disappearing but one thing at a time.” Dean’s other hand sliced the air with authority and Cas watched it with the fascination of a master craftsman. How he loved Dean’s hands… He tried to shake his head.

“Dean, I-“

“Please, look at me.” Cas felt Dean’s head swivel and dip, trying to catch his gaze. “Cas I’ve waited a couple centuries for this. Do me the courtesy of looking at me while I do it.” Castiel swallowed hard, lifting his head and letting out a shaking breath as he met Dean’s gaze. The smile Dean gave him was soft, so much like the smiles they shared in the bunker, late at night when everyone was asleep and Dean was just tipsy enough to really let his guard down. “Tell me what you meant. The being and having.”

Cas’ eyes tried to skitter away again but he caught himself and forced his gaze to remain on Dean as something hard ballooned in his throat. “I… I meant that… how I felt was enough. To be happy. I could be satisfied with just… just…” Castiel cleared his throat and Dean’s thumb rubbed soothingly against his cheekbone, making Cas’ eyelids flutter. “…um and you wouldn’t… didn’t need to… also.” Castiel shifted from foot to foot, lips pressing in a thin line.

“But what about me?” Castiel squinted, head trying to tip to the side but the pressure of Dean’s hand held it straight. “What if I couldn’t be happy with just the being?” Castiel blinked and Dean sighed, dropping his own head before he glanced around. “I got this big ol’ Heaven all to myself here, Cas. And for being Heaven I gotta say sometimes it’s pretty fucking miserable.”

Castiel’s mouth popped open in shock. “What? That’s impossible. I gave you everything you desired. A plot of land with a broken-down home for you to work on. Several barns to set up workshops for car mechanics and woodworking. A special garage for Baby and-”

Dean’s free hand came up, fingertips pressing gently against Castiel’s lips to stop the flow of words. “Everything except someone to share it with.”

Castiel’s eyes shot to the side, falling on the magazine on the rocker. “Well I figured you could conjure up your perfect companion,” he mumbled, voice a dejected rumble.

“No, n-“ Dean heaved a sigh and dropped his head. “You idiot.  _ No.” _ Dean hung his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, Cas feeling his fingertips drum against his cheek in frustration. “Look I tried to do a nice speech, okay. But you’re killing me here.” Dean met his eyes again exasperation evident. “I want  _ you _ here.” Dean shook his head as Cas’ jaw dropped, a chuckle passing his lips. “You feather-brained moron.” Dean shook his head again.

“Why?”

Dean finally released him to throw his hands in the air as if he couldn’t take it anymore. “Because I love you too, goddammit!” Dean showed him his palms, his brow crinkled in confusion as if he couldn’t fathom Castiel not knowing that. “Glad you can be content to wallow in your own unrequited fantasy but  _ I _ do not want to spend my entire afterlife pining the way I did my actual life.”

“P-p-pining?” Castiel stuttered and Dean let his head fall back with a groan.

“Man, we are both a couple-a dumbasses. Sam was right.” Dean rubbed his forehead. “Look,” He held out a hand. “Buddy, I gotta tell ya. I just… I really didn’t think someone like you would even look at me like… well I guess you always looked at me like… but I never  _ dreamed _ you’d want… well I guess I did dream it a bit… “ Dean chuckled.

“I’m sorry I don’t-“

“I was a fucking mess, Cas.” Dean shook his head. “I fucked up so much, so often and I drank too much and you, you’re a friggin’ Angel of the Lord.” Dean’s eyes met Cas’ and the longing there would have stopped Cas’ heart if it’d been beating. “Who was I to even attempt to try and be worthy of you.”

“Oh, Dean-“ Cas moved to reach for his face but Dean held up both hands. 

“ _ No! _ ” Cas backed up immediately but Dean followed, grabbing him by the biceps. “No, you had your turn, Cas. Shut up and listen to me.” Cas nodded and Dean huffed. “I wasted a lot of time thinking you would never want me.” Dean pressed his lips together, green eyes wide and luminous. “Please, man. Please let's not waste any more time with you thinking I don’t want you.” Dean laid a hand over Cas’ heart and Cas felt it thump to life, strong and quick like a hammer in his chest. “I’ll never be satisfied with the being. I’m sorry, I’m not… I’m not as noble as you.” Dean huffed a laugh. “I gotta have you, man. Please.”

This time Dean let Castiel cup his face, holding it in shaking hands and Dean gripped his wrists to steady them. It took Castiel a few swallows before he could lean in, lips and throat dry but when his lips finally touched Dean’s he felt as if the entire heaven’s had exploded from his chest, like his feet were going to lift right off the floor, the burden of longing suddenly lifted from him. Dean didn’t let him break it, chased his mouth when Castiel tried to pull back, and sucked his bottom lip between his, unwilling to let go.

They kissed until the sun disappeared below the horizon and only parted when the fireflies began dancing out across the fields. Dean’s hands held Castiel’s face in his, smoothing his wind-blown hair back from his forehead, a gentle smile pulling at his kiss swollen lips. 

“I know we have the rest of eternity to get to this but I gotta say… I really wanna get your clothes off.” 

Castiel laughed. A genuine burst of elation seemed to light him from the inside and Dean was grinning so hard it hurt his cheeks. “We do but there’s no time like the present.”

Dean pressed himself closer, nose brushing Cas’ and Castiel felt like he might tremble himself apart, the happiness so overwhelming he was fit to burst. “I might not be willing to let you outta my bed for a while. That gonna be a problem?”

Castiel smiled. “Only for your bed frame.”

#

Jack was in a meeting, listening to a presentation about a new plan to funnel souls from earth to heaven when the raucous laughter and pounding of feet running down a hall snagged his attention. He couldn’t help but smile as he turned back out, feeling something inside him settle into place that had been needling him for a long time.

“Jack? I think we lost you there.”

Jack looked up and the young angel was giving him an uncertain smile. He shook his head. “Sorry, I’m listening.” He began to settle back in his chair but straightened his back at the last minute, holding up a finger to keep the young angel from moving on. “Oh, please clear Castiel’s calendar for… well… for the foreseeable future.”


End file.
